


second first kiss

by suburbia_goddess



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Kirk is oblivious as usual, Leonard "Bones" McCoy is a Good Friend, M/M, spock doesnt know how to handle these emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suburbia_goddess/pseuds/suburbia_goddess
Summary: When Kirk had been dying, he just wanted a last touch.He didn't know what Spock's touch meant.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 3
Kudos: 100





	second first kiss

*so this is what dying feels like.* Kirk thought, finally managing to get back to the outer door, but remembering not to open it. He heard Scotty run off and meet someone, and then that someone kneels on the other side of the glass.

"I'm scared, Spock."

Kirk put his hand against the glass, wishing that he could feel Spock's hand. He knows Spock isnt a huge fan of physical touch, but he's hoping that his first officer will grant him this much.  
He doesnt really feel Spock's hand in the "live long and prosper" gesture, but it's close. He spreads out his fingers to match Spock's.

\--3 years later--

Bones doesnt actually come up to the bridge often, at least, not unless theres a crisis, or a patient who's pissing him off. No. But today, he looked more determined than the times that he smacked Kirk on the back of the head for skipping yet another physical exam.  
"We need to talk." he says firmly, but in a low voice.  
"About what? I'm kind of busy."  
"Yeah, I know, but I've been keeping something from you for much too long, so you either come with me now, or I'm going to tell you here, and you're gonna be a mess."  
Kirk shifts, and gets a better look at Bones.  
The man's dead serious.  
"Just tell me, it cant be as serious as you make it," kirk says with a half smile, knowing his chief medical officer too well to fall for a prank. (Or so he often thinks.)  
Bones rolls his eyes, but nods, and gets on one knee to better his conspiratorial manor. "Jim, do you remember when you were dying-"  
"I tend to try and forget it." Kirk interrupts.  
"Listen to me. do you remember when you were dying, and Spock was there, and you put your hand up on the glass? And he did the same?"  
Kirk nods, wondering why the hell a detail like that would be something Bones is building a prank on, let alone how the hell he saw that.  
"it's not just a touch through glass, Kirk. An act like that, to Vulcans, is equal to kissing someone." Bones explains, then adds for clarity, "on the lips."  
Kirk chuckles, letting his head fall back as he thought about the joke. He looked at Bones again and said, once he could manage it, "that's a good one, Bones."  
But Bones is holding the seriousness. He's not wavering, he knew Kirk would laugh at the information. Kirk makes a note that Bones is scary when he's serious.  
Kirk tries to force another laugh, tries to shake the feeling of understanding that's sinking in. But the humor of the moment is gone. He understands.  
He glances at Spock. The first officer is doing his job, just as dutifully as hes always done. How- no, why the hell hasnt Spock ever told him? Sure, Kirk's slept with plenty of people and kissed even more, and most of those relationships didnt last a day, but Spock? Someone he's known for over a decade, never mentioned this?  
"oh." Kirk says, feeling his ears get red. He knows his own feelings for Spock, how he tries to keep those feelings in line because he doesnt want to pressure his first officer. How he doesnt want to make spock uncomfortable, how he didn't even allow himself to ask other vulcans how one would go about expressing interest in another.  
"Don't pretend like you dont think he still has feelings for you, Jim." Bones said softly, then he got up. "Talk to him about it. Lord knows it's been eating me up too long, and I wasnt even involved."  
"yeah, how would you know about it if you werent there?"  
"Don't push me." Bones said, genuinely firm and almost angry, still serious.  
*That's a scary mix.* Kirk notes, then nods as Bones leaves the bridge.

Kirk was indeed an mess for the rest of the day. He jumped whenever Spock spoke, even if it wasn't directed at him. When it was, he felt his ears go red and his neck get hot. He would stammer a response, then quickly turn away and pretend to be occupied with something. Spock's habitual touch on Kirk's shoulder made Kirk freeze, even though Spock had been putting his hand on Kirk's shoulder for years. Kirk couldn't remember the first touch Spock gave him.

"Are you alright, Captain?" Spock asked as he caught an elevator lift with Kirk.  
"Of course." His ears were growing red, and he didn't know where to put his hands.  
"You seem to have been unsettled since four days ago, when Bones last came on the bridge."  
"What about it?" Kirk managed to ask, trying to sound unconcerned and casual. As if that was possible.  
"He must have said something about me, but I'm not sure what it could possibly have been about."  
Kirk nodded slowly, then turned to face Spock. To say something, to start the conversation.  
The elevator doors opened to the level where their rooms were.  
*oh. I didnt plan this.* Kirk thought, trying to subdue his panic. He stepped out of the elevator, not saying anything to Spock.  
"Jim, are you angry with me?" Spock finally asks, once they've past everyone in the hallway.  
"No! God, no." Kirk says quickly. He realizes he said it to quickly, even if it was honest, and lightly holds Spock's shoulder and looks him in the eyes. "No, I'm not mad."  
"Then what, may I ask, could Doctor McCoy have possibly said? Are you sure you're well?"  
"I'm as fit as a fiddle, Spock." Kirk says, and stops in front of his rooms' door. He doesnt think, but opens the door and leads Spock inside.  
Spock lifts an eyebrow at the metaphor, but follows silently.  
The lights turn on, but they arent as bright as they could be. Kirk doesnt like searing, bright light in his quarters. Just seems impractical. He grabs a bottle from his alcohol cabinet, and two glasses. He glances at Spock, knowing the Vulcan doesn't usually drink. In fact, as he tried to recall, he can only think of one or two times he had seen his first officer drink.  
"Humor me?" He didnt mean for it to be a question, an offer. Just a suggestion. Spock shrugs and nods. Kirk takes the bottle and glasses over to a lower table, and sits.  
He pours two drinks, and takes his own like a shot, while Spock does the civilised thing and sips it.  
Kirk stares at the table for a while, then pours himself another drink, but doesn't drink it.  
He looks at Spock. A man who at first seemed like an enemy, an obstacle. Someone to deal with and get rid of. He could never have imagined this man becoming so important- not just to him as a captain, but to the crew, and as a friend. As someone who he'd fallen for, someone he protects his feelings about. He remembers when he first met the other, older Spock, and was called his friend. Kirk doesnt often wonder about the other timeline, but its times like this, he wonders the depth of that friendship. Did the other kirk ever make a mis-step? did the other spock?  
"Jim-"  
"Why didnt you tell me, when I woke up? What it meant, to do what we did when I was dying?" It wasn't an insult, wasn't angry. It was genuine confusion.  
Spock was surprised, and he let it show. Maybe, since the topic was so personal and emotional, he didn't have the control of either of his genetic "halves" to hide the surprise.  
After a moment, Spock said, "I wasn't sure if you remembered. If you did, I didn't know if you knew, and chose not to mention it. I didn't ever find the right time. So... I let it become... I let it... I forgot it. I was afraid of making a mistake."  
Kirk wants to say something about how people don't usually just kiss each other- that theres an unspoken understanding or emotion behind it. But that wouldn't help.  
"So you werent going to tell me?"  
Spock shook his head, then said quietly, "But I wanted to."  
Spock has always been gentle, or at least civil. But Kirk had only seen him afraid two or three times. He was afraid right now. Just as afraid as kirk.  
Having been an emotional mess for the past week, Kirk was done overthinking.  
He leaned forward. He waited.  
And Apock kissed him. This time, on the lips. Kirk kissed him back.  
It was more gentle than most of Kirk's first kisses. It came from a different place. He was unused to this kind of kiss, but it was so much better than just about anything else he had experienced.  
Kirk leaned back, the first to break the kiss. Spock frowned, and Kirk knew he was scared again.  
"Let's take this slow. I want this to be good and to last, and I'm used to short rushes." Kirk explains, and is about to continue, when he realizes that Spock isn't really listening. He had raised his shoulders when Kirk pulled away but now they were relaxing again. For once, he wasn't really listening.  
Kirk had never seen anyone more in love. If he had looked in a mirror, he would have.

**Author's Note:**

> IM SO SORRY THE FORMATTING IS WHACK, I DONT HAVE A COMPUTER SO I HAD TO POST FROM MY PHONE ITS SO UGLY UGH IM SORRYYYYYY  
> anyways this is for coss gc on twitter. inspired by a tumblr post about how the touch that spirk shared in st:id was actually basically a Vulcan kiss.


End file.
